It's not personal.. it's business

You may have heard the line before... "It's not personal, it's just business." I have heard it so many times that I wanted to find the person who said it.... and I found HIM... Mario Puzo said "it's just business, nothing personal." It came straight out of the Godfather movies, which Mario wrote. He was a screenwriter and a novelist, not a business man. And yet we find that this famous phrase becomes somewhat of a mantra for all business owners. I think it's complete rubbish.

Having been the owner of my own business twice over, I can say without flinching, that for women in business, it's always personal. Phsiologically, women are emotional creatures. Men = nature, women = nuture. It has been that way since the beginning of time. To say to a woman then that it's just business, not personal, is to to say - "think like a man but whatever you do, don't be yourself in business."

I've recently been at the terrible end of a fellow business owner's negative comments and lack of respect. I've also been told to ignore it. It's just business. It's not personal. How else am I supposed to deal with it? Shall I...

A. Take the 'higher ground' approach... we have all heard about this... it basically means, bury the hurt, try to forgive, ignore the problem. It does nothing for comflict resolution. By all means, take this choice if your desire to avoid conflict is greater than the problem to begin with. Yeah... that's not me. Even if I know it's my fault, I won't walk away from the conflict and possible resolution.

B. Take the 'low road'.... talk about them behind their back, try to sabotage their success, secretely dream of them being run over by a large truck. It's SO easy for me to come up with examples here and it's definately the easiest choice. But something surely doesnt feel right.. We want them to hurt for what they have done to us. We want them to have a taste of their own medicine. We think that it would make us feel better. But it never does. Because we are emotional by nature, we feel bad for them in the end. Which completely screws up our own thinking. So.. moving on...

C. My favourite option.... we have a temper tantrum, we cry and stamp our feet for a while. And if no resolution with the person can be met, we find a way to move forward. We still feel hurt. But we move forward. A very brilliant friend of mine once said... to not move forward, is to have to wake up each day, surrounded by the ugliness of the situation...  we must reach a conclusion that we are worth more than the ugliness that surrounds us. As emotional beings, we can live with option C and it's better for us in the end.

In fact, we should take everything personal in life. Think of something that you have taken personally recently... it can be anything. Check yourself in 3 days time... if it's still personal, it falls into 2 categories... it's personal out of passion or out of bitterness. If you take the child poverty crisis personally... in 3 days, you still feel the same way... it's probably something you are passionate about... so go do something about it. If you are hurt from something someone said and still feel that way in 3 days... make a decision to not be surrounded by the ugliness... dont let bitterness take hold of you. Everything is personal in life... but it's completely up to you how you respond to it. You can cry and stamp your feet... you're human... go for it. But if you crying and stamping your feet 3 days later... that's overkill and overkill is ugly. You are worth so much more. Treat yourself with respect, even if the person who hurt you didnt.

And in business, as in life, all things are personal. You cant have a mantra like that and in the same breath talk about how "we really should get to know our customers well." Women, our 'personal' radar doesnt have an on / off switch. It's always on. That's why it is proven in business that women are better at customer relations. Women have a valuable contribution to make in business and in life.

The Godfather movies gave Mario accolades and success in the film industry... that's all. He did not become a mentor of the business world. He did not become a motivational speaker. He did not invent new ways to look at business. So, stop telling me and yourselves that it's business, not personal. Be who you were meant to be women... take it all personally. Then respond positively.